There is no way he is gay with that hair.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
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