Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
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