He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
