He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
