I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Randomize
