wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
