Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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