So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
