is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
