**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
