i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Im part way to drunk.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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