Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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