Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
