And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
