Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
