Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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