i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
