We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
