yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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