What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
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