i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Randomize
