I murdered the dance floor call the cops
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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