My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
