Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
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