Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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