I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
