What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
I think I am morally bankrupt
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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