I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I would ride that face into the sunset
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