i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Randomize
