Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Randomize
