God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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