she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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