I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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