Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
this just has baby written all over it
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
