atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize
