Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
How external is "for external use only"?
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
