6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
We need to rekindle our bromance
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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