Plan B is the new Plan A
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
