I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
