If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
