it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
