dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
