So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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