Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
