Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
