I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
