Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
There are leaves in my underwear?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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