My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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