i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
The uberlube is also flammable
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
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