Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
