You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
