My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I would fuck him just for his dog
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
