Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
