Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
he had hair everywhere except his balls
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
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